De/Evolution

I recently made peace with a grieving I didn't know I was in the midst of.  In the process and acceptance that I had become somewhat cynical and intolerant, I didn't realize that I was angry about being so.  I knew that I didn't like it most of the time.  Still, it took a small crisis for me to see that I was sand and angry about losing a bit more of my innocence.  I'm 35, and definitely a 'grown-up', but I still had/have some 'innocence'.  Nonetheless, my faith in people (or at least the hope in people doing the good thing) has been shaken, leading to a 'screw ya'll' mentality.

In having the self-introspective revelation that I was grieving about a loss of a portion of my innocence, I was able to move past it.  Sometimes knowing a thing can help you move forward from it.  Hmmm... my cynicism isn't bad.  Hell, having a firmer grasp on the ways of humanfolk for good or ill keeps me in my center.  Helps me protect myself better.

Still, I look at my shiny, strong, innocent 12 year old girl.  Knowing what I know, I was and am a bit scared for her and what she will lose as her life progresses.  Sound like a harsh thing to say, but no one ever grows up without losing illusions.  Painfully.  I can only hope she will absorb what Wisdom I have to give her that can buffer her through The Chickenhead Years, and beyond.