Aww Dammit! I'm Grown! (another 2.5 year old post)

Wednesday, November 01, 2006 

Aww dammit... I'm Grown... Current mood:  contemplative  Category: Life Damn, every-so-often I contemplate stuff, and realize that I'm grown.  It sure as hell doesn't have anything to do with age. [( cuz I don't intend to ever fully be a clueless adult), and we all know that 40 or 50 year old that still ain't got shit (not talking about material things neetha.)] I see my child about to hit puberty (please give me 2 more years...) I have responsibilities:  My stepson has a disability and will probably need us for the rest of our lives; I have a brilliant child who I have to help guide and shape so that she (hopefully) skip at least 9 tenths of the bullshit I waded through trying to figure shit out; and I want to make more children. Grown. One thing further that lets me know I'm grown.  The crap that happens: crises, beef, misunderstandings, betrayals, etc.  has a much faster turnaround time when it comes to understanding and gaining wisdom from them.  Instead of 5-10 years down the road, I'm experiencing my 20/20 hindsight within a year or sooner.  Sometimes later.  It's great! Losing some of my idealism.  Some of my naievte.  Some of my faith in humanity, and some of my faith in us black folk.  I believe the term is "Jaded."  Even somewhat cynical.  I consider these 'losses' as maturity and living in realism.  And I also accept that reality now can and does change often.  It's a matter of perspective. Yet I am still silly, still love Hip Hop (like a favorite ex-lover - reminiscing about old times... that's another blog.)  I'm still corny as hell and cool as a muthafka.  I may add to this at some point.  I gotta go pick up my man from work right now.  Think I'll pop some Fishbone in the tape deck on the way and rock out - LOUD.  Seriously, a Tape Deck.  "'90 Probe, Bitch!"  (Fishbone album: Give a Monkey a Brain...)