Futile and Worthwhile Endeavors

I took one art class in high school. I discovered what I already suspected: I do not have much talent in standard art methods; painting, drawing, etc. But I wanted to have some pretty badly. In fact, I still have an occasional urge to enroll in a community art class. I may still do it, but only when I have time. And I won't have the added motivation for joining that I did in high school (to be near a boy) LOL! I liked boys a lot back then. At least now that I am in a wonderfully solid and fulfilling relationship, all of my hobbies and fly-by-night endeavors are wholly and completely for my own gratification, not in pursuit of a the maler sex. :)

One high note of my artistic wishes is that my daughter has a very strong natural talent with drawing! I'm barely envious! I'm very proud!

Onto my latest endeavor and a renewed one. I'm making jewelry. I was inspired to make my own wedding jewelry by browsing Etsy. I've made some pretty things in addition to a traditional pearl necklace with embellishments! Maybe I'll sell some. I'd love to be able to buy more semi-precious stones rather than glass and plastic. I'd love to be able to buy more gold, silver, and gold-filled items. But maybe down the line. I'm in love with bead stores. I may definitely take a few classes to get my basic skills fine tuned.

My renewed endeavor is crochet. I used to make and sell hats in like '94-'96. It was fun and I at least got my moneys worth! Indeed, at a health food store the other day, a young man asked me if I was still crocheting hats! He remembered me from those days! I have no idea what his name is, but I knew his face. I told him I hadn't sold any in many years, but that I had my crochet bag in the car right now! I love how the universe messages us that we're doing the right thing.

Seeing With Clearer Eyes

The past 7 days have been so very trying! My daughter LOST HER DAMN MIND (another post later, maybe.) My main struggle this past week has been: I learn that my grandmother has passed. A wonderful 95 year long life with plenty of family that can look on her as their reason for existing. It has been 12 long years since I last looked upon her face, though 2 years since I heard her voice. There was no way for me to get across country to attend her memorial services, but I have entertained all my memories in my mind. One great thing that has come of this concentrated remembrance is finally realizing everything I learned from her. Her simple day-to-day doings were the stuff of life; of being a mother and grandmother; of being a woman who has lived a full life and took joy in her children's children. And if I could budget like she did with what she had! I need to start working on that! Amazing.

Despite my own personal struggles with not feeling accepted by those closest to me, as well as my peers, she always accepted me as I was and who I was. This is a great gift for me and it has helped me so much lately. Also, the big lesson with her passing and my not having seen her or had steady communication with her in these last years: Don't let things of the past that pulled you away, keep you away! In the end, most unfortunate events don't matter. I think of her with love, and, finally, deep admiration. I'm so glad I had that last conversation with her, though I didn't know it was such.

I love you Grandma. Neosha M. Banks. 1915-2010